I guess I might as well write an actual update. I'm about 85% moved into the bigger room, thinking fondly of my new queen sized bed ALL TO MYSELF ::ahem::
My laptop *seems* to be "fixed," since I installed that new harddrive (yes, I installed it, all by myself) and I am currently straining to remember all the crap I had on it before that is now lost. I'm concerned about virus protection, as I don't have the one the school nazied all over our asses before, but apparently our SBC has it "built in" to the home portal-thingy...the fact that I just typed "thingy" in reference to my internet connection concerns me greatly. oh well.
I'm...excruciatingly restless. I could just sit here and whine about all the things that I'm not doing but should be but don't really feel the desire or the inspiration to do...on and on, blah, blah, blah.
I'm feeling a bit disillusioned lately as well. Does anyone else get a lethargic feeling when they think about relationships? I sit here, waiting to hear from my phone, just damned tired of all the shit. I have a lot of time to think, and I think about things I really don't need to think about. My room looks really nice though. and my bed is big...damned big...and fucking lonely as all hell, who am I kidding? Sometimes, I just...

::sigh::
wanna beat my head against the wall. just to stop all the fixations. The more I fixate on the fact that I'm left hanging, the more pathetic I feel, and I sure as hell HATE feeling that way. I want to be strong. I want to be able to push it all away.To not give a damn. Am I capable of that? I don't really think so. If I were, I wouldn't be loyal or steadfast, as I claim to be. Look at me, rambling off again about my not so desireable state of limbo. or whatever. Foolish? Yeah, I think I am very foolish.
I just give too much away.

No word, no nuthin....back to the same feelings of neglect. Guys, are you just wanting me for sex? Sometimes i really really get that feeling....look, ma, naievitey. gots me a big bed, suppose I can whore myself out now.

how depressing. I'm going to go do something else for a while. you know what? I dont think i did the dishes....